Dating...in...London...Sober...

So tonight my amazingly wonderful friend Fran (more on her to come) invited me to a Bumble event at Shoreditch House, now I'm game for whatever if it involves spending time with people I adore and lets be honest, we knew this was gonna be jokes! A roomful of single women and men where they serve drinks and noone speaks to anyone other than their mates...? Sounds like every single night I go out?! Sure, I"ll come! We didn't speak to a single guy there so after ambushing the photobooth guy for the majority of our time in there having bumped into some other girlfriends - we went downstairs to sit at a bar where again, noone would speak to anyone other than their mates.

Dating... in... London... weird, awkward, funny, bad but there's always the chance you'll both end up getting too excited and end up to your neck in Coffee Patron and you'll than have the perfect story for when you next see your mates before you go and do it all again...

Dating...in.... London...Sober....weird, awkward, funny, bad but if someone's boring, they remain boring, they don't get funnier, or hotter or more interesting, without that blanket of warm booze which can transform that red flag-ridden man into an option for marriage and kids.

I think 'Drunk Polly' has a lot to answer for in terms of my mental state about men.. it's not some big revelation, I feel very disappointed by a lot of men, not all, I have some amazing men in my life, but in general I feel like they are letting us down... BUT also it should be said that drunk Polly really didn't help matters...as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.

in 2017 myself, my best friend, her now husband and his best friend were over in America, we decided to fly into Vegas for a few nights.. I'd been on dating apps while I was in LA and had matched with a guy who was very my type (unavailable, inky, looks like he needs a good wash, and skates... not sure I could be any more predictable).

We'd been talking but he'd just missed me as I was flying that day... so what does he suggest... he suggests that he FLY from LA to Vegas for a date... do I respond, saying, absolutely not, that's insane, I don't know you?! No, I say yes, lets book a suite at the MGM Grand...so before I know it I'm hearing a knock on the door of my (very nice) room at the MGM Grand and it's Mr Skater Tattoo Unavailable man.

We spent 24 hours running around casinos, having hot tubs, sitting at blackjack tables, winning money, losing money... that's it, we've fallen in love, I'm that girl who has the crazy movie like scenario...oh no wait, I'm just drunk and let me just say, I lapped up every drop of his bullshit, how he couldn't believe he'd found me, how he was booking a flight to London to come and see me, how I was going to move into his apartment... convinced this guy was the answer to it all (along with a side portion of that very elusive Greencard) - when infact all I ended up with was a killer hangover, the morning after fear, and a guy who escaped faster than Houdini...now don't get me wrong, GREAT STORY, infact after the initial shock of being essentially almost proposed to AND ghosted within 48 hours...GREAT experience...BUT I mean,I got PLAYED, now I'm not saying Sober Polly wouldn't have but I might have had my wits about me a little more...taken it for what it was rather than ride off into the made-up sunset on his made-up white horse and shining armour filled with ridiculous claims and promises.

I'm not gonna Carrie Bradshaw this blog but I have many many stories from dating and more to the point drunk dating...but really the truth is I prefer dating sober, I always thought it would be impossible, to not be clutching that glass of wine, which for some reason felt like it made everything ok and easier to deal with. Let's be honest, meeting a stranger who you have no real idea about is nerve-wracking and the drink always felt like you had a mate there with you... but when I stopped drinking I was determined to not stop any other part of my life...so I forced myself on dates and almost immediately when chatting with someone would tell them...

"Lets go for a drink" - it's the go to line...

I slowly realised that it was only making the other person uncomfortable, that I became totally fine with it, knowing whether I was interested for real rather than letting a bottle (or two) of wine decide.

I definitely still make bad choices but at least their fully conscious and I have nothing or noone else to blame them on than myself. Stopping drinking and doing drugs is revealing, sometimes too much and you start seeing things that you actually don't really like. I have slowly started to become more aware of my habits and behaviours when it comes to dating and it's only by seeing them clearly that I was able to start to slowly work on changing the ones that weren't necessarily doing me any good.

(much) More on sober dating to come...