Lets talk about #SoberSex

Let's talk about sex...sober sex.

I don't know if this is weird but I've had more sex since being sober than when I was a 'boozy, 2-day bender party girl' SHOCK. Maybe it's because I've been clearer about what I want and what I don't want?

The difference is, that the people I'm having sex with I actually WANT to have sex with. I still make the odd bad judgment call, (just because we get sober, doesn’t mean we can’t be fooled) and I think dating apps have a lot to answer for in terms of how flippantly we allow strangers into our heads and beds these days, but that's a separate conversation and right now we are talking about sober sex.

Of course the idea of stripping off in front of someone for the first time can be terrifying and showing them the sex faces you make during the no pants dance is a nerve-wracking experience – even for those of us with an inner porn star desperate to get out...and plying ourselves with drink beforehand makes it feel that little bit easier, you've got that blanket of booze where you were once naked...BUT you are still naked remember... (I guess how much of the experience you remember depends on how much booze you consume.)

Sobriety is a constant exercise in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, and nowhere is this more evident than on a date or the first time having sex with someone.

Firstly here's a few things for you to ponder...

* It has been proven that it is easier to orgasm when sober AND being sober increases your sensitivity making those orgasms more intense...(*every female reading this suddenly puts down her glass of wine).

* The chances of you making a decision that you will deeply regret the next day are vastly decreased... you'll be waking up with the same person you remember going to bed with. Nothing worse than waking up next to someone you REALLY don't fancy and even worse realising you've now gone and done the deed with the said someone. It doesn't mean you won't make bad choices when you're sober, but if you do so you fucked up wholeheartedly and fully aware.

* We do a better job sober...we're not meant to drink and drive because our senses, reactions and judgment is impaired...for a moment think of having sex as driving a car...If you were taking your driving test while under the influencer, how well do you think you'd perform? I'm just gonna leave that one there.

* A study from 2014 found that both drinking alcohol AND having sex release “feel-good” chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine and others into your brain, which sounds kind of great BUT it might mean some oversharing may happen or you are left with feeling VERY horrible if that old ghost makes an appearance aka the guy or girl does a disappearing act the next day...and the next day...and the day after that... yeah, he/she isn't replying to that text you sent. A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.

Sober sex takes some lady (or man) balls but once you've done it a few times, you realise it's ok...of course wild drunken sex can be fun, I'm not saying it isn't but just that sober sex can be just as fun too and it's definitely nothing to be scared of and of course...be safe kids. Body confidence doesn't come from a bottle of wine, although it can feel like it helps.

I'll leave you with this...after googling loads about drunken sex and sober sex for this post what was truly harrowing for me was the amount of people who shit themselves during drunk sex... and NOONE wants to be the girl that shat themselves during sex.