We’re having a baby!

I’m just on the plane home from visiting my sister Alice and her newborn / my niece and all round tiny legend Edie.

It was amazing to see the insights of motherhood, it’s a relentless thing keeping a tiny human happy at all times, navigating what cries mean what or which tiny smiles mean a genuine smile and which tiny smile means ‘I’m shitting my pants right now’. My sisters body is now Edie’s survival pack and a freaking tough one at that!

I’m so happy I made the decision to cut out drinking before little Miss Edie arrived with us.

My sister never really talked about having children, her husband Joe is essentially like my brother, they have been together since I was 13 I think? Me and him love each other fiercely and also argue like cat and dog - but arguments that end up with us cracking up laughing usually! He is one of the funniest people I know ,talented and most importantly has a love for my sister that is as unbreakable as I think it comes. They are a couple I’ll probably always look up to, a total team and the love they have for each other is that kind of love we all want! When they told me the news that ‘we’ were having a baby it was quite a shock, a wonderful shock of course - I cried, but I cried when they told me they were engaged too and I’ll no doubt cry when they tell me Edie’s said her first word, or laughed for the first time - so me crying isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

My sister is my superhero, she’s been there for me through every single trauma and success I’ve been through, she’s my biggest cheerleader -and has stood with me on freezing cold stalls in Brick Lane market, helped out in anyway she could, when I’ve been sick, when I’ve been heartbroken, when I’ve been throwing parties for Bambi and Manson, birthdays, sad days, happy days, all the days! Alice has never been a big drinker and I’m not sure she’s ever really dabbled with drugs either, despite living in Amsterdam lol! We’ve led quite different lives in many ways but share a bond that is pretty special.

I think a lot of the time when I was drinking I wasn’t the best sister I could have been to her, when she would never forget to send a birthday card, or call me for a chat, I think in all honesty I was sometimes too busy either out on drunken adventures or hungover. I’m sure I owe her a fair few birthday cards and phone calls. Luckily for me she’s never mentioned any of this or made me feel guilty but I know deep inside that during drunk Polly’s reign I may have let her down quite a bit and caused her quite a bit of worry.

However, now here we are, I’m almost 9 months sober, and we have an absolute dollface who has joined our family, you remember the post about me becoming very ill in hospital before making this change, well my superhero flew straight over from Amsterdam to be with me, the fact that she was around 3 months pregnant didn’t deter this wonderwoman, dealing with her own huge changes in her body, there she was jumping on a plane, sleeping next to me, feeding me and keeping me calm while I healed, mentally and physically. I am forever grateful for having an Alice!

This post perhaps won’t resonate with as many as my previous posts as it’s quite personal but it’s about apologising I suppose, I think it’s important for me to write - and for her to read.

I went over to stay with her and Edie for the last few days to help out while Joe was back in London directing something. She was so grateful and pleased to have me there, and this maybe due to lack of sleep but she sent me a very teary thank you voice memo as I got the taxi to the airport to leave. So really, I’m just grateful that I now have the opportunity to help - and be there for her as much as she has for me, perhaps the universe had this planned all along!

I may have forgotten birthdays or been a bit selfish in the past but being clear headed to be there for her when she needs it now is reason enough for me to remain sober and ready to jump on a plane as quickly as she has in my times of need! I can make up for any drunk Polly antics now, which is what matters...

And as for Edie, well I can’t imagine a better set of parents and I also don’t know a cuter baby!