I don't even know who you are.

Boys and Drinking.

One massive change I've noticed since becoming sober is confidence and a huge shift in self-worth. That sounds a bit cringe but it's the most noticeable thing so far. Especially when it comes to MEN!

My room has become my sanctuary, and I'm starting to be a lot more precious about who is allowed inside it.

Feeling complete is never going to happen as we're forever gonna be searching to improve... but feeling like I'm enough on my own is!

I go on dates sober with a totally different agenda than when I was drinking. It's no longer about necking glasses of red wine, and totally losing sense of what I'm even looking for or trying to achieve, or ending up getting on it with some stranger and in turn completely clouding any idea of who that stranger might be.

I'm trying to date people in a different way now although in all honestly I'm not sure I even want what I've been programmed to think I want. It's really helping to have a clear head whilst doing it.

I looked through my phone and came across so many pictures of me with random guys, either from apps or otherwise and I realised I have no idea who they are...the photo shows a picture of what could be a couple, on some night out, or in a bedroom, but what it really is, is two strangers who have no idea who the other one is and really don't have much hope in finding out for real whilst covered in a hazy drink or drug filter.

I remember the first time I went on a date from a dating app... I dragged Claire and Joe to the pub with me first, I was so nervous, so we got a few drinks down us and by the time they had left and he had arrived I was already half cut. Hot.

To be totally honest I can't really remember much but I do remember we ended up back at my house doing drugs in my kitchen, I can't even remember now if we had sex. Again Hot... but I DO remember being royally ghosted the next day... and lets be honest, was this the kind of girl you wanted to take home to your rents and live happily ever after with...I'm gonna go with...probably not.

That being said, I met my ex in quite a similar way and we did have a really great amazing relationship for years but I was also 25 and growing up. Now at 33, my priorities have changed, I'm not really too sure if I even want a boyfriend, or marriage and I don't want kids but I do know that I don't want to feel shitty about myself the day after some wavey date that ended in a binge order to UberEats and an emergency therapy session.

Dating sober can seem really daunting and a lot of people ask me about that, now it feels so normal to me and I genuinely feel like I get to know who the person whose given me some of their time is. There's this momentary feeling of sadness sometimes that in the past when I went on dates, I would have no idea what madness would follow, that I've removed that chance that we could end up at some weird party having some little mini adventure...but actually when I think about it, in the cold light of day, that sparkly adventure isn't quite as sparkly as it once seemed. The guy I've been seeing a bit recently has given me loads of little sparkly moments and non of them have involved drink or drugs.

BUT it has involved getting to know someone and forming a friendship with them over anything else first.

I always tell ppl beforehand that I don't drink...which feels a bit scary at first but you'll be amazed at how many people don't give two shits...and the ones who do...maybe aren't who you wanna be dating right now anyway.