It feels good to say no.

This is relevant on so many levels for me over the past few months. Since becoming sober I've slowly put myself first in many ways, not selfish ways but in healthy and justified ways.

I've learnt about my needs and sorry to use the buzzword on everyones lips but selfcare has become one of the most important factors here.

Saying no to drink and drugs is one thing, but putting up secure boundaries in so many other situations is quite another.

Over the last month of being sober it's been like Easter Sunday but instead of Jesus being resurrected (I'm also an athiest FYI so this doesn't quite work) it's been the holy resurrection of every fuckboy, date gone wrong, random hook up I think I've had in the recent 6/7 months.

The 'You Up' text is no longer met with me saying ' yeah, just got in from a party, where are you?" - it's met with deafening silence, me dead to the world sleeping and a healthy helping of tumbleweed.

I don't know if these boys have some kind of spidey senses and can sense a challenge or something but it's happened an odd amount recently.

I maybe wouldn't have noticed before as maybe would have been happily engaging but these days I can honestly say I have zero interest in reignigting a piss poor flame which always ended up burning me anyway. I sound very anti-men here which is not how I'm meaning to come across, I love men, I have some of the most amazing men in my life and also I can't blame these men, THIS was the message I always gave out previously, it's just that these days it feels good to say and mean no.

I genuinely don't want someone in my bed who a) I don't really care about b) doesn't care about me and C) fundamentally isn't going to give me whatever it is I'm craving, which for me was never just sex, it was always a projection of so much more to satisfy some security or to feel loved....and did these boys make me feel loved?! NO, they made me feel the opposite.

I have nothing against anyone having one night stands or hook-ups at all, go forth and fill your boots! It's just that I'm starting to learn what I want, and these men aren't it.

I also think I wasn't putting my value high enough and these days my shares are much higher on the stock exchange, if someone doesn't have the things I need or want, to be totally honest I'd rather be pissing about with my mates, or working out at Blok than wasting my precious time and energy on someone who will no doubt end up being a ghostee or a ghoster...(actually I don't believe in ghosting, so it would have just ended in me being ghosted maybe and them being phased out, not sure which is worse really)

It's not just dating and boys, it feels good to say no when I am too tired to go to an event, or am running around everywhere trying to fit in a billion things, work, friends, gym, etc, it feels good to say no to a well below the asking price fee on a job. Saying no to these things doesn't mean I'm saying no to everything or missing out, I'm just creating space and time for the things that are important, or that I need, I will NEVER miss a friends birthday event if at all possible, I will not miss out on gym sessions, as I know it's what keeps me sane, I have to make time to eat properly and get enough sleep, I say yes to any friend asking me to do a job that I think will benefit us both, I say yes when my sister asks if I want to go and stay with her to help with Edie while Joe is away, it's going to be a yes if a friend is having a shitshow and needs to rant for 5 minutes, these thing are and always now will be strong resounding YES's but late night invites or things that don't feed my soul or wellness...it's a NO from me.

So, try it, cos trust me, it feels good to say no.

S/O to one of my BFF's Devlin who inspired this blogpost...