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A good old fashioned non-booze-up-booze-up.

It's been almost a year since I made the decision to cut out drink and drugs from my life. It's been hard at times of course, but never as hard as now. We go to the pub and everyone wants to escape what's going on and get D.R.U.N.K. It's been pretty challenging to go through such a big life event without the crutch of booze.

Today in particular, me and Ria had a bit of a shit show of a day... we were both in bad moods, for no reason but feeling bored and restless, we almost bickered but not quite, as we both know why we're being salty, it's this big elephant in the room, but an elephant that we talk about constantly.

We wanted to go away for the night or go to a show or do something, anything to stop this total unsatisfied, pissed off, bored feeling. I booked a barre class, maybe that'll help. Nope, a man shouted at me on the bus, for no apparent reason (pretty standard London) whilst I was on the way there and I totally lost my shit at him, resulting in me screaming in his face, ironically I was telling him not to shout at me. He picked the wrong day and the wrong grieving girl to shout at.

I did Barre...still felt shit...we booked a massage...it was amazing but I still couldn't shake this feeling. I went to meet Ria and the boys in the pub, in a bit of a mood. Although I was glad to be there and not on my own at home, watching everyone escape via glasses of wine and rounds of my old FAVOURITE Cafe Patron shots, was making me feel like they were able to leave the mood and I'd be stuck in it.

We sat in the pub from about 6.30pm...I sometimes find pubs a bit boring after a while these days, but tonight was EXACTLY what I needed. We went to our local, The Spurstowe and sat around the table, chatting about nothing in particular when slowly they started to play party tracks. It started with YMCA, then came 'it's raining men', this all sound horrendous, I'm well aware, BUT we all slowly started dancing while sitting down...cracking up and belting out the songs. Tina Turner, Whitney, name a gay icon, any gay icon and you can bet that The Spurstowe played their track tonight.

Within an hour we were stood on chairs, screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs and almost the entire pub was dancing with us. We laughed and danced and got out all of the weird energy that we didn't know what to do with. I had two diet cokes and a tonic water and had the best night. Granted my mates were pissed as newts but it didn't matter, we all felt on the same level. The pictures here are blurry, but that's probably for the best.

The ache is still there, of course BUT I danced solidly on chairs and with my friends for about 4 hours. SOBER. and had the best time. More nights like this are needed. When the load feels too heavy and there seems to be no escaping it, it's nice to know that, drink isn't the only escape and that sometimes, just a good old fashioned non-booze-up-booze-up in a pub singing and dancing around like dickheads can do the trick.


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